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05 August, 2015

Jurassic World

So I watched Jurassic World.


Let me first talk about what I didn't like about it.

It was a Hollywood movie.

What, that wasn't enough? Alright, let me elaborate: It was filled with people doing typical Hollywood dumbass things (though the kids weren't as bad as the ones in previous films), main characters so astoundingly bland it was hard to give the slightest shit about them, yet another shitty out-of-place romance subplot that goes nowhere and achieves nothing, the Indominus Rex's being way too implausible at points, and everything involving the velociraptors and the last bits were fumbled around clumsily (Spoiler for climax, highlight to read: Also, the T-rex felt like it was channeling fucking Godzilla over there when it turn around to give the humans one last look before stomping off. You could seriously have played the fucking Godzilla theme there).

That being said it wasn't as bad as it could've been. It wasn't 3.

 As a movie it's pretty bad. It barely stands on its own, and when it does manage to rise to its feet with knees shuddering like they're about to buckle anytime it does so with the help of its massive special effects budget.

That's as a movie though. As a piece of fanservice for someone who loved the first movie- Well, it's pretty fucking good. Not great. Not fantastic. Just good. But good enough. The gates, the visitor center, the callback near to the end to the end of the first film, the nerd with the Jurassic Park T-shirt and dinosaur figures on his desk (yes he's a shameless insert for all the nerds who grew up with the first film, but they manage to balance his screentime so that he's an actual character but not obnoxious)- All of this is for us. It's also for the children. The rides and gadgets, the park functioning as an actual theme park, the raptors, the climax with you-know-who working together (which works both for the kids and for the older fans, though I think it was fumbled a bit too hard for the latter to really enjoy it)- It's almost as if they went back in time and asked all the children watching the first movie what they'd liked to have seen, and then put all the answers they got right in. I also liked the ambiguously foreign CEO with his just-right balance of hopeless idealism and scruple-free business brain, and thought it a pity that he didn't get more scenes.

Unfortunately, I was ultimately let down by how it showed signs of potential and then just totally dropped the ball there, though. Corporations sponsoring new dinosaur hybrids, dinosaurs that aren't at all authentic because they're not made to look like real dinosaurs but to look like what people want dinosaurs to look like, the nerd sarcastically suggesting that they just let the corporations name the new dinosaurs whatever they want ("pepsisaurus"!) . It would've been great if they'd tossed in a mention of how contemporary research says most dinosaurs had feathers, and that the ones in Jurassic World don't because people don't like them. Talk about focus groups. Talk about greed. Just fucking TALK. But no, aside from two or three lines early on all of this is thrown out of the window for more chase scenes. The Indominus Rex was kind of a letdown too since it had too little screentime and didn't really put its abilities to much good use (it uses its camouflage thing, what, once?) and I can't help but feel like I'd seen it before in one of the bad Jurassic Park ripoff horror flicks we got back in the day.

But yeah. Jurassic World was fun. And I guess I liked it.

I want a T-rex action figure now. A big one, not something tiny like the silly Revoltech one which looks more cute than cool.

The thing about Jurassic World, though, is that it's a summer blockbuster, and nothing more. Nothing less, but nothing more. Jurassic Park, on the other hand, wasn't just a blockbuster; It was a Spielberg film.

Nothing in here comes anywhere close the Jurassic Park's greatest moments, which is a pity.

というわけでジュラシックワールドを観てきた。この手の映画にありがちだが人間がアホすぎて笑うしかない(もっとも、今回の子供はシリーズの中で一番マシだったが)、かつラブロマンスが場違いで蛇足。ただ、音楽に初代のテーマ曲が使われたり、例の門が再現されたり、司令室のオタが初代のロゴのTシャツを着てたり、初代のビジターセンターが出てきたり と、初代のファンならサービスが多いので結構楽しめるかと思う。少なくとも3ほどの駄作ではないし、2とは同程度くらいの出来かな。あと最後のTレックスだが、新しく登場した怪獣が暴れるに暴れたらゴジラが出てきて新怪獣をぶっ殺して一度振り返って人間を見てから帰っていくという構図 にしか見えなかった。てか完全にゴジラ。しかも本編では言わなかったが公式によるとこのTレックスは初代にも登場した同一の固体らしい。一本の映画としてみるとかなり微妙で割りと甘い出来だったと思う。企業が新種をスポンサーしてるとか、顧客のニーズに合わせて恐竜を遺伝子改造してるとか そういった面白い話が少しだけ出たが結局そのまま放置されたからね。もう少しそこら辺を掘り下げたらメッセージ性のある深い映画になれただろうに。

余談かつ毎回のことだが、日本語字幕が相変わらず酷すぎる。細かいワーディングは覚えてないが、「シャツが臭い、恐竜は匂いに敏感だぞ」と叔母さんがおっさんに 言ったが、恐竜を「they」と表現したからか、何故か恐竜がシャツになってた。シャツが匂いに敏感ってなんだよ!意味不明だろ!

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